Sonata

"Sonata" ~ by Shweta Mitra Sept 2010

This painting is of my other daughter. It's a painting of things she loves, right from the colors, to the music she's playing, to her piano. She even gave the painting its name: Sonata. The day I took the pictures of her at the piano that were used in creating this painting, she was playing Moonlight Sonata; her favorite.

At first I was not sure about the name "Sonata", but I realized that it actually fits so beautifully with the post I did earlier, and so, it's actually perfect. A Sonata is a piece of music with three (or four) independent movements varying in key, mood, and tempo. Like the three phases I talked about in my previous post.

Reflection...

"Reflection" ~ by Shweta Mitra Aug 2010

This is a painting of my daughter. This was her idea, to paint her in a mirror, like this. She is doing what she loves the most, reading. In order to make it look more like a mirror than a painting of a painting, we decided  to put something in front of the mirror. I asked her what she'd like to have, there. She just got this Indian bamboo flute (bansuri) a few days back, and we decided to use that in the painting.  

A friend of mine saw this painting and said, "do you realize you have Krishna in every one of your paintings?"

I had to think about it. Yes, I did start with the first painting of the cosmic romance of Radha and Krishna. My next one was the "Milkmaid". Well, that wasn't connected with Krishna, per se; well, not intentionally, anyway, but yes, milkmaids or gopis in Sanskrit, are associated with Krishna. My next  painting was Radhika, ... hmmmmm.... Then, next, was "Devotion", a painting of Mirabai, with the peacock feather; an intentional symbol of Krishna, that time. And now, my daughter with her flute, the instrument associated with Krishna... again unintentional. I guess Krishna has had a way of showing up in all my paintings, even though I wasn't consciously aware of this.  I feel really blessed. ☺

Unveiling, Realizing, Being "That"

The definition of enlightenment is so varied, that it is impossible to fit all the ideas that people have about enlightenment into one definition. In this post, I am going to talk about the basic "I am that" model of enlightenment.

There are 3 main stages to "I am that" (enlightenment) that I have experienced. The first are glimpses into "I am that"; an unveiling of the truth of "I am that". Once out of these experiences, these glimpses, we go back to feeling like a part of the dream. I refer to these experiences as awakenings. When these awakenings happen, there is no turning back. Once we have tasted the nectar, there is no un-tasting it.

Then, there comes a point when we realize/know "I am that". At this point, there is still a tendency to attach attention to the ups and downs of the body-mind. However, there is an inner realization/knowing (beyond the mind) that all that is happening in the experiences of the body-mind is not us; not who we actually are. We are just a screen on which it is all happening; pure, clear consciousness, witnessing all events. The focus shifts from wishing "I am that" to realizing/knowing "I am that".


Then comes being "that".  It is the “that” we only had glimpses into and later felt we had an inner knowing of , we now become that "that". When this happens, there is uninhibited joy, and freedom; living unbound. Now the focus shifts from realizing/knowing "I am that" to being "that". We now know ourselves as the pure, changeless freedom beyond all form. A solid wall of completely fluid, boundaryless awareness that encompasses all. Although this is the ultimate stage, it is far from final, there is further expansion in every moment after this.

One way to explain this is to say there is an infant, a child and an adult. When we are a child, we cannot become an infant again, but we continue to grow as a child. Then, when we become an adult, there is no going back to being a child, but there is still growing as an adult. Similarly, when there is a realizing/knowing of "I am that", there is still growth but there is no more going back to wishing "I am that" and then when there is being “that”, there is still growth, but there is no going back to the stage of knowing "I am that".

The experience of being "that" is really beyond words, and even beyond experience. Ultimately the “that” is what we really are.  "That" is the experiencer of all experiencing and all that is experienced; awareness, our true nature, the witness, the screen, pure consciousness, all the content of every moment now, from the subtlest thought or feeling, to all forms and emotions contained in this moment now, is all contained in "that".

Here is something I had written to Yogani a couple of months back. All I can say is, all of this has just become more solid, but in the most fluid way; one of those paradoxes. ☺:

There is so much perfection in every moment. Life is lived moment by moment. No trying to live in the moment, just living, not an effort, no other way to do it. Nothing to make it happen. Making anything happen needs effort, and there is no effort. I am where I am and there is nowhere else to be or want to be. Ideas, creativity, loving, just flowing without any intention, without any effort. Emotions are experienced at the moment without judgment, then gone like a dream. If it is not happening now, it is not happening.

It's been a two months like this. My mind still jumps in and says there is going to be a falling out, but it does not matter what the mind says. I have talked a lot about bringing attention back to the now and being present. But when this started happening without trying it was like: ‘Wow! What's this?’ I did not say much to anyone around me, but there is so much uncalled for joy, so much unknown happiness. Even being upset and angry is just momentary, like something the body is doing, but then it is back to the joy. 

I also see how things are so ingrained in us. The stronger the mind story we had, the stronger the attachment to the block. Letting go of a block is just untangling the story from every cell in awareness (inner silence), and watching it drop away. Again, no effort. With practice and slight intention (like samyama), it just happens. 

Learning samyama was huge. It is the best tool ever. Asking for something is just asking and letting it go. The more you can let go, the easier it gets for it to happen. This is siddhi. All siddhis are just that: how much you can let it go. The more you can let go in stillness, the more it has a chance of manifesting. Hence I can make things happen that don't mean much to my deepest longing. But things that are close to heart, the letting go is harder, there is that little bit of pull and story in mind that keeps a slight desire in place, not allowing a complete letting go. But when I can really let go, things happen. 

It feels like I am gliding/floating instead of walking. And it feels like I am constantly dancing to the music of stillness. Even when people around me are grumpy, I am still in joy and it sort of rubs off on them. They are still grumpy but they cannot be mean. It's like the joy is infectious, and although people don't want to become ungrumpy, they just cannot be mean any more. They go back to showing their disapproval but the pure happiness that flows cannot be ignored. It is like being in presence of a baby, the baby is happy for no reason, and others around may be upset, but when they see the smile on the child's face and feel the innocent happiness, there isn't much they can do but smile. They can go back to being grumpy after that, but for a few moments they enjoy the unadulterated happiness. It feels just like that.

Anyway, it is all true, all I had heard and read; all of it is true. And I am just amazed at the simplicity and beauty of this, as I watch in awe at the power of letting go and the beauty of being "that".

***the painting of the peacock feather above is a part of one of my paintings called "Devotion".

Devotion

"Devotion" ~ By Shweta Mitra

This is my first original painting. It originally came to me as a vision during meditation. I was not sure how I was going to be able to make the vision into a painting. However, once I started, it flowed beautifully. The lady in the painting is Mirabai, who is considered to be the epitome of devotion, in India. She has been an inspiration to me in my spiritual path, and I am blessed to have had the opportunity to paint her.

I will end with a poem by Mirabai:

Strange is the Path of love

 Do not mention the name of love,
O my simple-minded companion.
Strange is the path
When you offer your love.
Your body is crushed at the first step.

If you want to offer love
Be prepared to cut off your head
And sit on it.
Be like the moth,
Which circles the lamp and offers its body.
Be like the deer, which, on hearing the horn,
Offers its head to the hunter.
Be like the partridge,
Which swallows burning coals
In love of the moon.
Be like the fish
Which yields up its life
When separated from the sea.
Be like the bee,
Entrapped in the closing petals of the lotus.

Mira's lord is the courtly Giridhara.
She says: Offer your mind
To those lotus feet.   

~Mirabai

Stillness Speaks....

 (A few insights that have come to me on this journey)
 

• It is ALL in the mind!!!

•  If it is not happening right now... it is not happening. ☺

• When there is constriction, when we are closed off, we belong to our minds; when there is openness, when there is awareness, our mind belongs to us.

• Don't try to put words around an experience... that defines/draws boundaries around something that is ever changing. Why try to close the ever changing, ever expanding stillness into the walls, boundaries drawn by words... just live and grow with them. (June 30th 2010)

•  A situation is only as intense as the attachment to the story behind it.  (July 27th 2010)

Radhika

 

~Painting by Shweta Mitra - May 2010

based on the painting "Jayashri – Krishna Pleading." by Syamarani dasi.

The first time I saw this painting, I knew I wanted to paint it. I have not managed to find the name of the artist who did this one,  however, the original painting was done by Syamarani Dasi, who is an amazing artist. I did not know about her, till I went hunting for the artist who I should give credit to for the original of this painting.

I try to stay as close to the original painting as possible, however, at some point the face changes and takes on a form of its own. The original face is beautiful, and there were moments I wished I could keep that same face in my painting. However, there is no predicting how stillness moves, and so, the painting becomes what it does. In this painting, Radha definitely has a flavor of her own.

Stillness... My New Ishta

Due to the influence of my father, and then reading Autobiography of A Yogi, which set off all kinds of flames of devotion in me and started me off on my spiritual path, I got very close to Ma Kali. She was my first ishta (an ishta is our "object of highest devotion"). Our Ishta is often embodied in the form of a god or goddess, who each symbolizes different aspects of divinity and divine awareness, though our ishta can also be any quality we wish to attain (i.e. "unconditional love", etc.), or anyone or anything we can genuinely surrender to. After having Ma Kali as my ishta for a while, I was introduced to a few other ishta's: Ramakrishna, Nithyananda then back to Ramakrishna, then back to Ma Kali. However, throughout my spirituasl path, I always had an ishta that I could surrender to.

Then came the experience of aloneness that I have talked about here. The thing that I missed the most during that time, was not having a connection with my ishta any longer. I tried really hard to reconnect with my ishta, but I just could not do it.

Recently, though, I have come to realize that I have been surrendering everything in stillness. If ever there is a feeling of constriction, I gently make myself aware of this, and let it go into stillness. Open... open... open... and let the constriction dissolve.

The other day I realized, that the stillness, the silence, the nothingness that I have been surrendering to is now my ishta. I don't need a form to surrender to. The forms of my ishta arose from this stillness, and when I surrendered to the forms, Ma Kali, Ramakrishna, Nithyananda, I was surrendering to the stillness through them. But now I have access to the formless  stillness directly, and hence the forms are not required.

My mind at times still wishes it could get dramatic and pray and adore and surrender to someone/something it deems higher than itself. Someone who will take care of it. But there is nothing higher or lower than stillness. It all arises and dissolves in stillness, and when we have access to this stillness, it's just a matter of getting the mind used to the idea; having the form of an ishta is not required.